About a week ago, news was served up hot and fresh about the $125,000 spent by NASA to develop the ability to 3D print pizza. Now I hear that Domino's (okay not the USAF, but still...) has developed the technology to deliver pizza via drone. When you combine these two you can almost fully take people out of the pepperoni process.
I think the moral implications of putting 17 year old boys out of work and replacing them with robots are obvious. But just in case you don't make the same leaps I do, let me spell them out.
Teenage boys are good at two things. Being horny and causing destructive mischief. I know this not just because I was one, but actually knew many. We are all the same; prank calling pizzas to your house, trying to take your daughter someplace alone, bashing mailboxes from automobiles. The list goes on, but I think you get it.
So, now without his hard earned pizza money (mine was from now bankrupt favorite, Pizza World out of Normal, Illinois.) The poor teen boy can no longer afford a vehicle or gas to bash your mailbox, has no way of taking your daughter on a date and the voice at Domino's sounds like Dr. Hawking. Violence is likely.
That's right. These sexually frustrated and occupationally abandoned boys are going to start attacking drones. Just for sport. For kicks. At first they will be successful too. The unarmed and very basically navigated drones will be easy prey. So they will be upgraded.
The ability to dodge and reroute themselves comes first of course. Then better defenses as the sport becomes too enthusiastic. Ultimately armed drones will deliver pizza and death throughout the suburbs.
The manufacturer of these drones (I imagine named something like CyberDyner) will construct PieNet, the first Artificial Intelligence capable of delivering everything except extra anchovies. That still needs a human touch.
Rather than give John Connor a reason to arm himself, we need to develop some way to fully remove humans from the equation. Perhaps only deliver remotely to mutant turtles? I'm not sure... Soylent Pizza has some ideas, but I'm not buying it.
This is just one set of problems. How much do you tip our machine overlords? Won't it work best to have a chip implanted they can just scan to collect money directly from your account? If I can 3D print a pizza, why would I pay you to do so for me and send it THROUGH THE AIR? Won't the airflow necessarily mean my pizza will be delivered cold? Will rival pizza companies arm their drones preemptively to shoot down the Dominators, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth about the pizza Domino's never delivered?
Okay, that's enough puns for now. I'll be back.
