Second Amendment Solution

I have a solution to a bunch of problems, killing several birds with one stone. Conservative men are upset that not enough people are walking around with guns all the time. (I think this is their argument- really most of it is a little unintelligible to me.) Women are worried that we live in a rape culture, and if they bare their arms (or midriffs, etc), they may be a target for rape and harassment. Liberals would like more background checks for guns and better security when mental health is a question.

Here is what we need to do. Openly carry firearms if you meet the following criteria.

1. Clean Background check. With a wait period. If you need a gun RIGHT now, you need a minute to collect your thoughts.
2. No history of mental illness. We will make that part of the background check.
3. A training period, age limit, and test- similar to getting a driver's license. A gun is as dangerous as a car.
4. Mandatory gun owners' insurance. Just like a car. Killing someone causes some expense!
5. Finally, and this one is important, you must be a woman.

The "Men need guns to be manly" objection.

I am sure some people will be upset with my final condition. I am not saying you can't own a gun if you are a man. But carrying in public will be for women. One in five women have been sexually assaulted. 99% of rapists are men. More than 90% of victims are women. (Yes I know these numbers change if you count prison rape- my argument is not to arm prisoners.)

Think of it this way. I walk outside at night. Alone. Wearing whatever is comfortable. Unarmed and unafraid. Some people think they need to carry a gun in Chipotle, I think this is a bit cowardly. The most dangerous thing there is the food. We have seen a few instances where this occurs in baby food aisles and other seemingly low risk locations. Honestly guys. Why so afraid?

If someone attacks me in the grocery store, I can throw a can of green beans. Let's see. 12 ounces, 50 mph- about half the joules delivered as a .22LR. (And no wait period on canned goods.) But if locally sourced weapons are not an okay option for men, I am willing to concede. Men's right to bear arms will include swords not less than 48 inches long and weighing no less that 40 ounces. Swing that sucker with two hands in emergencies.

Men also want "their" women and children to be protected. Solved. Arm the moms, the girlfriends, the loved ones. Women have reason to fear and we can make that go away. If every sane and law-abiding woman I saw on the street was armed and trained in the use of that weapon, I would not fear one bit for my own life.

The "I need my guns in case the government goes nuts" objection.

Some people think they need their guns to overthrow tyrannical dictators. Fair deal. If the government goes nuts, you still have your gun- just take it out of storage. I mean, it is a tyranny after all. Not like they won't just throw you in jail for no reason anyway.

Be forewarned. I was in the military. We had Apache helicopters, F-22 Raptors, Mk 19 grenade launchers, M1A1 tanks, and the nuclear bomb (to name just the quickest few.) No number of shotguns makes you capable of holding your own against our trained soldiers.

The "This is unconstitutional" objection.

The constitution (Article V) says we can change the constitution. If you think women are being given an advantage, consider maybe some sort of equal rights amendment? What exact part of the constitution is being violated here anyway?

Wait! There is still training, wait periods and background checks? Unless you want insane, criminal, untrained people walking around with weapons, this is not a problem.

The "Who are you to decide this" objection.
I am not deciding. Suggesting. Who I am: White male. With daughters. Former military. Decent shot. Good swordsman. Those are my biases.