I have seen dozens of articles, usually meant for salespeople, on how to build better relationships for success. I agree; success comes from relationships. But the advice includes tidbits like:
"Know your goals"
"Articulate your needs to others"
"Update others on your career success"
"Diversify your network"
Is it just me (no) or are all of those about how to make yourself the center of attention? That is not how to build a relationship, that's how to score a one night stand. And that is an entirely different blog post.
It's a fact: when someone connects with you strongly you like them more and will do more to help them. And if it wasn't a fact before, now this unsubstantiated claim will pave the way. But really, this is the very basis of friendship and family. Connection. Unsurprisingly, much of that connection comes from paying attention.
Look at the person with whom you are speaking. Not at your phone. Nor the clock, the television, whatever distraction is temporarily more important. And look at them with your whole body. Turn towards them. Really direct your attention. Here is a newsflash about important people. They don't need to look at their phone every few seconds. That is a task for an underling. Even without an underling to do so, very little on the other end of a phone requires constant attention.
Here is a related newsflash about being manly. Remember that action movie/western with the real macho hero who had his face buried in a phone? No? It doesn't exist. Neither does the one with the intriguing starlet who just couldn't look up.
I see that fake smile. I am an avid people watcher, and here is something most of you do. You smile when you see someone you know. Or want to know. As soon as they can't see your face, the smile dissolves. That feels insincere to me. Hold onto that smile for a bit. If your face muscles are too tired to do so, consider staying home you lazy scruff. I will go back to the movies for an example. When the two stars realize the other likes them and they smile as they walk away- it doesn't instantly revert to the stony facade they think is necessary to navigate life. Pay attention to this little thing and your life will be happier.
If I notice it, others do as well.
Remember stuff. You know the phrase, (S)he doesn't even know I exist? That's how people feel when you remember nothing of them. Consider these three options:
Heya, how's your, uhm, kids?
Hi buddy, how's your daughter?
Hi Joe, how's your daughter, Stephanie? Did she get that scholarship?
Which (assuming you had a daughter named Stephanie) makes you feel as if the person asking the question really listens to you? In order each shows I like you more and more. Include names, of the person and the connection. Our minds are connection machines, build on existing networks in their brain.
I frequently hear the excuse, "well my memory just isn't good enough for that." Suck it up. Get better.
It's that easy. Pay attention to the other person. Value the other person. That is how a relationship is built, not on your goals.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
Ways Google Glass could make the world better
This is what I should see when I look through Glass:
At a drive-through, I want to see the accuracy percentage of the crew. That way I can check the bag if needed before pulling one foot forward.
When I meet someone, the web history Google is using to sell them stuff, as well as the suggested products. This could be my creepy new friend!
On a view of a license plate, the accident and insurance information of the primary driver of the vehicle. For safety, it's best to avoid stupid people.
Why on Earth would Glass not allow me to see as though through a telescope, microscope, nightvision, thermal imagery and so forth? Krypton Glass!
They should dim in bright light. I have glasses that do that. Dorky but darn convenient.
They should detect things I am about to step in and warn me. Puddle! Crap! Bad Relationship!
When I see beautiful sights it should automatically overlay it with inspirational nonsense. Like, "Every sunset brings a new sunrise." Or, "She's looking at you. You should introduce yourself."
Instant counting: Be your own Rainman! When it sees groups of like objects, the computer should count them for you. 247 nickels. Definitely. Definitely 247 good ideas.
Translations. Seriously. Can't it make everything I read and hear in a language I understand? Like Space Pirate? Arrr, tis the shiniest mind nugget this sid'a the verse. (That's what your text speak nonsense looks like to me, ya bilge rat.)
You ever find yourself talking to a downright homely person? Can't we have an overlay for that? With autodetection, obviously. (Warning, if drinking this is dangerous.)
A warning radar when other Glass users are in the area. That way I can delete my internet history. And put some clothes on.
Missile warning system. Well not exactly, but at least something that tells me instantly when I am being stalked online. Very nice when I can also see by whom.
Breathalyzer notification. "She's drunk enough to find me charming." Or "Make sure this person gets home safely."
Recipes. Food, cocktails, whatever. When I open the fridge and it sees my ingredients it could at least make a suggestion: "Hello Jason, perhaps a Fuzzy Navel? You can use one part lemonade, one part orange juice, and one part peach schnapps." Imagine the trips to the cupboard (waiting for your standards to lower) that will be saved.
If I can overlay the person, I should be able to overlay the whole day. I could make it look like a comic strip. Or a Peter Max painting. Or a Bogart film. Wait, you know what they say to do if you are nervous about speaking in front of a group- that.
The map of the mall is great. But really, where is my car? GPS power, activate!
Oh and I know you were on my face when I set my keys down. (Google Glass was, not you dear reader) Bring up a picture of that for me please.
With one simple caption and facial recognition software, I never again have to have that, "What's his name?" feeling again.
Guys, you know that feeling when you are looking a woman in the eyes listening to the entire conversation, and those eyes turn out to be breasts? Don't do that, just recall it later.
A rolling display of my schedule and other possible excuses that appear when someone asks me to do something. Not that I won't help, but options would be nice.
And the ear end of the temple should magnify sound when requested. More importantly, opposite frequency sound cancellation. Like a "Shut up" switch that doesn't make my hand sting.
Also, reminds me when to Shut Up.
At a drive-through, I want to see the accuracy percentage of the crew. That way I can check the bag if needed before pulling one foot forward.
When I meet someone, the web history Google is using to sell them stuff, as well as the suggested products. This could be my creepy new friend!
On a view of a license plate, the accident and insurance information of the primary driver of the vehicle. For safety, it's best to avoid stupid people.
Why on Earth would Glass not allow me to see as though through a telescope, microscope, nightvision, thermal imagery and so forth? Krypton Glass!
They should dim in bright light. I have glasses that do that. Dorky but darn convenient.
They should detect things I am about to step in and warn me. Puddle! Crap! Bad Relationship!
When I see beautiful sights it should automatically overlay it with inspirational nonsense. Like, "Every sunset brings a new sunrise." Or, "She's looking at you. You should introduce yourself."
Instant counting: Be your own Rainman! When it sees groups of like objects, the computer should count them for you. 247 nickels. Definitely. Definitely 247 good ideas.
Translations. Seriously. Can't it make everything I read and hear in a language I understand? Like Space Pirate? Arrr, tis the shiniest mind nugget this sid'a the verse. (That's what your text speak nonsense looks like to me, ya bilge rat.)
You ever find yourself talking to a downright homely person? Can't we have an overlay for that? With autodetection, obviously. (Warning, if drinking this is dangerous.)
A warning radar when other Glass users are in the area. That way I can delete my internet history. And put some clothes on.
Missile warning system. Well not exactly, but at least something that tells me instantly when I am being stalked online. Very nice when I can also see by whom.
Breathalyzer notification. "She's drunk enough to find me charming." Or "Make sure this person gets home safely."
Recipes. Food, cocktails, whatever. When I open the fridge and it sees my ingredients it could at least make a suggestion: "Hello Jason, perhaps a Fuzzy Navel? You can use one part lemonade, one part orange juice, and one part peach schnapps." Imagine the trips to the cupboard (waiting for your standards to lower) that will be saved.
If I can overlay the person, I should be able to overlay the whole day. I could make it look like a comic strip. Or a Peter Max painting. Or a Bogart film. Wait, you know what they say to do if you are nervous about speaking in front of a group- that.
The map of the mall is great. But really, where is my car? GPS power, activate!
Oh and I know you were on my face when I set my keys down. (Google Glass was, not you dear reader) Bring up a picture of that for me please.
With one simple caption and facial recognition software, I never again have to have that, "What's his name?" feeling again.
Guys, you know that feeling when you are looking a woman in the eyes listening to the entire conversation, and those eyes turn out to be breasts? Don't do that, just recall it later.
A rolling display of my schedule and other possible excuses that appear when someone asks me to do something. Not that I won't help, but options would be nice.
And the ear end of the temple should magnify sound when requested. More importantly, opposite frequency sound cancellation. Like a "Shut up" switch that doesn't make my hand sting.
Also, reminds me when to Shut Up.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Dating vs. Recruiting: How to fill two birds with one stone
In many of my classes I explain how important it is to consider dating and recruiting to be EXACTLY alike. And recruiting is sales in TWO directions. A person to a company and a company to a person. One bird here is dating, and the other is sales. I'll be the rock. Not The Rock, that's taken.
So let's draw some connections and use the caps lock a few more times. In this first entry I will talk about the job posting. This is (of course) an advertisement for a job. I am generally opposed to posting jobs, yet I met my girlfriend through Craigslist. So please, deal with the hypocrisy. And don't judge.
Step 1. Place the advertisement in a the right location. Swedishjanitors.com may have free job postings, but your ideal Manufacturing Engineer does NOT look for jobs there. Likewise, throwing on that little black dress to clean your house only works if you want to date your roommate or the creepy guy who looks in your windows. He says hi.
Step 2. Stop yelling. Honestly people. I think the thought process going on in a job posting or even an online dating ad must be, "If I use all caps, I will stand out!" Picture if you will a pretty woman sitting in her little black dress all alone in a smoky jazz bar. A man, call him "Jason," has met her eyes and smiled a few times. He then comes over with a little swagger in his walk and bellows, "HI I"M JASON, IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?" Yup, I can stand out too.
Step 3. Describe yourself (and therefore your position/product whatever) is the most commonly used terms.Yes I am both altitudinous and erudite, yet still delightfully jocular. When someone looks for their ideal date they may run a search for tall, well-educated and funny. Your product description can't be oddly specific in a way only used internally. I found hundreds of current job postings today for "shop technician 2." Which is what?
Step 4. Open Strong. "Is this seat taken? I don't bite... unless it's called for." Your opening in any sales situation is crucial. In my office we frequently use the phrase, "talked himself out of a job." This happens when a candidate that was doing fine keeps talking until they say too much. It is the Peter Principle applied to conversation.You must open strong, be specific, then SHUT UP. I could write an entire post on the power of shutting up.
Step 5. Be honest. If you are only interested in dating 70+ inch tall ballerinas who have a degree in chemistry, that needs to be stated in your "product needs." Otherwise you end up with 69 inch dancers who studied anatomy and what would you do with them? If you go look at personal ads (or job ads) both often fail to describe the role in honest, detailed terms. If the job requires the person to stare at a screen for 80% of the day, inputting data- why emphasis the need for a team player? You will just hire a team player, who will be miserable. I don't like long walks on the beach. Nor do I claim to. Long lounges on the beach with drinks? I'm in.
Step 6. I never said be yourself. We all put our best foot forward when dating, interviewing, describing the job. That is fine. I can be irritable, condescending, domineering, sweet, patient and charming. Dating should reveal a mix of that, but tempered. And by tempered I mean again, SHUT UP. The job description nor the blog post should go so long as to lose interest. That's why this is just Vol 1.
So let's draw some connections and use the caps lock a few more times. In this first entry I will talk about the job posting. This is (of course) an advertisement for a job. I am generally opposed to posting jobs, yet I met my girlfriend through Craigslist. So please, deal with the hypocrisy. And don't judge.
Step 1. Place the advertisement in a the right location. Swedishjanitors.com may have free job postings, but your ideal Manufacturing Engineer does NOT look for jobs there. Likewise, throwing on that little black dress to clean your house only works if you want to date your roommate or the creepy guy who looks in your windows. He says hi.
Step 2. Stop yelling. Honestly people. I think the thought process going on in a job posting or even an online dating ad must be, "If I use all caps, I will stand out!" Picture if you will a pretty woman sitting in her little black dress all alone in a smoky jazz bar. A man, call him "Jason," has met her eyes and smiled a few times. He then comes over with a little swagger in his walk and bellows, "HI I"M JASON, IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?" Yup, I can stand out too.
Step 3. Describe yourself (and therefore your position/product whatever) is the most commonly used terms.Yes I am both altitudinous and erudite, yet still delightfully jocular. When someone looks for their ideal date they may run a search for tall, well-educated and funny. Your product description can't be oddly specific in a way only used internally. I found hundreds of current job postings today for "shop technician 2." Which is what?
Step 4. Open Strong. "Is this seat taken? I don't bite... unless it's called for." Your opening in any sales situation is crucial. In my office we frequently use the phrase, "talked himself out of a job." This happens when a candidate that was doing fine keeps talking until they say too much. It is the Peter Principle applied to conversation.You must open strong, be specific, then SHUT UP. I could write an entire post on the power of shutting up.
Step 5. Be honest. If you are only interested in dating 70+ inch tall ballerinas who have a degree in chemistry, that needs to be stated in your "product needs." Otherwise you end up with 69 inch dancers who studied anatomy and what would you do with them? If you go look at personal ads (or job ads) both often fail to describe the role in honest, detailed terms. If the job requires the person to stare at a screen for 80% of the day, inputting data- why emphasis the need for a team player? You will just hire a team player, who will be miserable. I don't like long walks on the beach. Nor do I claim to. Long lounges on the beach with drinks? I'm in.
Step 6. I never said be yourself. We all put our best foot forward when dating, interviewing, describing the job. That is fine. I can be irritable, condescending, domineering, sweet, patient and charming. Dating should reveal a mix of that, but tempered. And by tempered I mean again, SHUT UP. The job description nor the blog post should go so long as to lose interest. That's why this is just Vol 1.
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