When we first were dating, my fiancee felt like her son should start learning to type. I said typing would start going away. Now that typing has actually started going away, this seems obvious. But back when she and I both had BlackBerry cell phones and full keyboards were pretty standard, this was not so clear. Swype, Voice to text, gesture based word generation and even mind reading to text are all on the rise. Thus began a pattern of her asking how I think the future will unfold.
A few nights ago, the same lovely woman asked me a seemingly ridiculous question. What will religion be like in 1000 years? Spoiler alert: I have a snarky answer.
Let me begin by saying I have flown on an airplane. I did not see any bearded men in the clouds. It is my belief that this solar system was formed from a nebula four and half billion years ago (ish) and that the elements in my body come from the nucleosynthesis of an earlier generation of stars. I am star dust. The universe is an awe-inspiring, magnificent place. There are many studies which show atheists to be on average more compassionate, more intelligent, and less imprisoned than their religious peers. The latter may just mean they get caught significantly less... But Supreme Court Justice Scalia recently likened atheism to following the devil's desires. Meaning he missed the part where we are putting religious people in jail for violating the law and evil atheists walk free among us. Though he also said that the devil is real because Jesus believed in him. To me, this is declaring The Joker to be real because Batman has met him.
Priests are getting their hands caught in the wrong pants (any pants) and many more people report going to church on Sunday than churches have seats. Religion is not quite dead yet. But it may be getting there.
I want you to think about where you turn for answers. Seriously. Anytime you have a question where do you go? The G word. Google.
I want you to think about who knows you best. The things you like. The naughty things you do. Where you are. Who your friends really are. Yes, the all seeing is again Google.
And despite those naughty things, who loves you anyway? Who is willing to show you the answers anyway? Tries to never lead you astray? Brings you music, entertainment, news? Helps you find dinner, love, live happier and longer? When your head is bowed and the rest of the world is drowned out, are you praying to God or surfing from your smartphone? (The device which essentially has made you more knowledgeable and more powerful than generations of humans, praise be.)
How will this revolution be remembered when Google's creators are a mere memory? Sorry Sergey and Larry. Some will state firmly that yes, while Google existed and did great things for the era, it was only a Search Engine. And Browser. And OS. Others may just point to its humble beginnings. The new paradigm ushered in during its rule. The power being returned to the hands of the people. They may see a second coming. Or the first coming of something symbolic of much more than a return of Jesus.
Google's namesake, Googol is a BIG number. It is 1 followed by 100 zeros (think about that, a billion is 1 followed by nine zeros) . When we see this period of accelerated change in technology, communication and capability for the common man reflected in 1000 years, we may see Google as the 1. We are just the zeros following.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Do I look fat in this? (and answers to other questions women ask)
You and your woman are getting ready to go out. Let me revise that. You are ready, sitting in your favorite chair, trying not to get crumbs on yourself while you wait for her. She walks out dressed and theoretically ready to go. Then she asks any of the following:
1. Does this make me look fat? The logically correct answer is, "No. Fat makes you look fat. Dresses make you look dressed. Ready to go?" BUT DON'T SAY THAT. If you want to leave now, say instead- "No, you look great- let's go." If you want to get laid now or later try, "You look amazing. I'm going to tear that dress off of you now or later. Probably now." With a great relationship, you can tell her the truth. "You look great, but aren't going to like how that one makes your 'fill in the blank' look"
2. Do these shoes go with this? You don't know, do you? No one who matters cares about her shoes anyway. You can say, "Look at how I dress. Do you really want me to decide what matches?" Often I just say, "Are they comfortable enough to wear the whole time?" (See, because now you are showing you care more about how she feels than how she looks. Further, you don't want to hear how much her feet hurt when you are out trying to have a fun night. Finally, while I prefer the thigh high, black leather heeled dominatrix boots, apparently "they are not appropriate for every occasion.")
3. Is this too revealing? Tricky right? What is too revealing? The exact right amount of revealing is enough that the other men are jealous, but not so much that I end up in a fist fight when someone gets touchy. So think of your most lecherous friend. The Captain Kirk of your crew. If he saw a woman dressed as your loved one currently is, would he make a move? Yes? Too revealing. It is not bad to say yes. That protective little jealous urge is something she wants you to feel. But is it too revealing? Only if she thinks it is. Your job is to protect her, even if she's nude.
Congratulations. You made it out and back and had a great time. Hopefully post-coitus she asks more of the trap questions.
4. What are you thinking about? If I wanted you to know I'd have been talking. (Don't say that.) I prefer something like, "Why do some fundamental particles have mass when the intrinsic symmetries which govern their interactions seem to require they be massless? You know, just Higgs Boson stuff baby." Under no circumstances say, "I was just thinking about how much I love you." Unless you truly were and are prepared to answer the next question.
5. Why do you love me? Well hell. She went there. As if you have mapped this out. This explanation should never reference dopamine or serotonin. The truth is you find her attractive, enjoy spending time with her and she usually puts up with your bullshit. Tell her all of that.
6. I saw you talking to Maria (insert whatever name works) at the party. Do you think she's cute? Yes. you do. That's part of the reason you talked to her while she obsessed about whatever thing happened at work. And right now your significant other is most likely NOT asking to see if you want her to come over. Your girl isn't stupid. Don't lie. I like to balance the good with the bad in this case. I might say, "Yes, but she never stops complaining about work," or "She's pretty, but she has nothing on you." Other woman can be attractive. Be a virile male, not a jerk. She doesn't expect you to no longer have a sex drive.
7. What are we doing tonight? You have preferences but really don't care right? She cares and has preferences but wants you to be a man. So this is hard. Stop trying to please her with a "What do you want to do?" Have a plan. Three actually. Each plan has three steps. You can think of nine things that you both enjoy. Just don't do the same one every night, unless she is turned on by lazy and unoriginal.
Sample A: I was thinking dinner at Avanti's, then we pick up a bottle of wine and take it to the park, from there we walk to a good dark picnic spot, share some drinks and fool around.
Sample B: How about we just make a couple of sandwiches, cuddle up on the couch, and watch that new show you recorded?
8. Where is this relationship going? The dreaded question. It's a relationship. Not a photon. It doesn't have to be going somewhere. Enjoy it for what it is. She wants to know that you are committed to her and the next steps. Dating to moving in to engagement to marriage to children to taking care of her in old age. I can't tell you how to answer this one, because it is your damn romance. Is she your soulmate? Fun but not a keeper? But I will tell you this. Do NOT ever put this question back on her to answer for you.
1. Does this make me look fat? The logically correct answer is, "No. Fat makes you look fat. Dresses make you look dressed. Ready to go?" BUT DON'T SAY THAT. If you want to leave now, say instead- "No, you look great- let's go." If you want to get laid now or later try, "You look amazing. I'm going to tear that dress off of you now or later. Probably now." With a great relationship, you can tell her the truth. "You look great, but aren't going to like how that one makes your 'fill in the blank' look"
2. Do these shoes go with this? You don't know, do you? No one who matters cares about her shoes anyway. You can say, "Look at how I dress. Do you really want me to decide what matches?" Often I just say, "Are they comfortable enough to wear the whole time?" (See, because now you are showing you care more about how she feels than how she looks. Further, you don't want to hear how much her feet hurt when you are out trying to have a fun night. Finally, while I prefer the thigh high, black leather heeled dominatrix boots, apparently "they are not appropriate for every occasion.")
3. Is this too revealing? Tricky right? What is too revealing? The exact right amount of revealing is enough that the other men are jealous, but not so much that I end up in a fist fight when someone gets touchy. So think of your most lecherous friend. The Captain Kirk of your crew. If he saw a woman dressed as your loved one currently is, would he make a move? Yes? Too revealing. It is not bad to say yes. That protective little jealous urge is something she wants you to feel. But is it too revealing? Only if she thinks it is. Your job is to protect her, even if she's nude.
Congratulations. You made it out and back and had a great time. Hopefully post-coitus she asks more of the trap questions.
4. What are you thinking about? If I wanted you to know I'd have been talking. (Don't say that.) I prefer something like, "Why do some fundamental particles have mass when the intrinsic symmetries which govern their interactions seem to require they be massless? You know, just Higgs Boson stuff baby." Under no circumstances say, "I was just thinking about how much I love you." Unless you truly were and are prepared to answer the next question.
5. Why do you love me? Well hell. She went there. As if you have mapped this out. This explanation should never reference dopamine or serotonin. The truth is you find her attractive, enjoy spending time with her and she usually puts up with your bullshit. Tell her all of that.
6. I saw you talking to Maria (insert whatever name works) at the party. Do you think she's cute? Yes. you do. That's part of the reason you talked to her while she obsessed about whatever thing happened at work. And right now your significant other is most likely NOT asking to see if you want her to come over. Your girl isn't stupid. Don't lie. I like to balance the good with the bad in this case. I might say, "Yes, but she never stops complaining about work," or "She's pretty, but she has nothing on you." Other woman can be attractive. Be a virile male, not a jerk. She doesn't expect you to no longer have a sex drive.
7. What are we doing tonight? You have preferences but really don't care right? She cares and has preferences but wants you to be a man. So this is hard. Stop trying to please her with a "What do you want to do?" Have a plan. Three actually. Each plan has three steps. You can think of nine things that you both enjoy. Just don't do the same one every night, unless she is turned on by lazy and unoriginal.
Sample A: I was thinking dinner at Avanti's, then we pick up a bottle of wine and take it to the park, from there we walk to a good dark picnic spot, share some drinks and fool around.
Sample B: How about we just make a couple of sandwiches, cuddle up on the couch, and watch that new show you recorded?
8. Where is this relationship going? The dreaded question. It's a relationship. Not a photon. It doesn't have to be going somewhere. Enjoy it for what it is. She wants to know that you are committed to her and the next steps. Dating to moving in to engagement to marriage to children to taking care of her in old age. I can't tell you how to answer this one, because it is your damn romance. Is she your soulmate? Fun but not a keeper? But I will tell you this. Do NOT ever put this question back on her to answer for you.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
The Virtue of Laziness
Genghis Khan said (in a quote paraphrased by Bill Gates),“I always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." And Khan Noonien Singh said, "Captain, Captain, Captain... save your strength."
Time and again I have told my students laziness is a virtue. And it is. But I must also be clear here. Failure to accomplish something (at all or on time) because you didn't want to work on it isn't laziness. It's just failure. I define laziness as being unwilling to do work or expend energy. Several dictionaries agree with me.
Well, they likely agree with me. The nearest dictionary is waaaaay over there. So I just Googled it.
An unwillingness to expend energy forces creativity and efficiency. I insist that matches were invented by someone too lazy to rub sticks together; heaters were invented by someone too lazy to strike a match. If necessity is the mother of invention, laziness is the dead beat dad. Rollaboard luggage, the kind with two wheels and a handle, is incredibly common. It wasn't invented by someone too weak to push the four wheeled luggage already in existence. Instead, a US pilot thought two wheels would be easier.
Finding an easier way of doing something is great for everyone. If anything, we seem to repeatedly prove in America that easier means you have time for more things. Usually more work. A greater variety of tasks. More volume. Laziness is almost self defeating in that sense, but we can "lazy down" more tasks until we finally get some time off. Maybe.
Imagine picking up a phone and calling 50 people a day from a list. Further imagine a fairly standard conversion rate at 1%. You could reach someone for an eventual sale every two days. Not bad!
But also not good. If I want to sell something, why not call the five people who want it? Heck, if I call one person a day, I am doing twice as well as I was before. And if I NEED to reach out to fifty people, there is email for that. One mail merge later, and my work for today is complete.
Laziness also builds perception. Not only do you have to learn to pay attention to where you are wasting energy, but you must also learn to keep tabs on your boss and snitching co-workers. Can't get busted doing as much work in less time!
Oh, a part of you cringed. "But I SHOULD be working hard." The Puritan Work Ethic is a theological concept. The idea being hard work, diligence, and thrift are a way to show your salvation through Christianity. Because this country was founded by these religious zealots, we have this deeply ingrained mistaken belief.
Let me clear it up for you. The work is NOT more valuable than the result. And I am no Puritan.
Time and again I have told my students laziness is a virtue. And it is. But I must also be clear here. Failure to accomplish something (at all or on time) because you didn't want to work on it isn't laziness. It's just failure. I define laziness as being unwilling to do work or expend energy. Several dictionaries agree with me.
Well, they likely agree with me. The nearest dictionary is waaaaay over there. So I just Googled it.
An unwillingness to expend energy forces creativity and efficiency. I insist that matches were invented by someone too lazy to rub sticks together; heaters were invented by someone too lazy to strike a match. If necessity is the mother of invention, laziness is the dead beat dad. Rollaboard luggage, the kind with two wheels and a handle, is incredibly common. It wasn't invented by someone too weak to push the four wheeled luggage already in existence. Instead, a US pilot thought two wheels would be easier.
Finding an easier way of doing something is great for everyone. If anything, we seem to repeatedly prove in America that easier means you have time for more things. Usually more work. A greater variety of tasks. More volume. Laziness is almost self defeating in that sense, but we can "lazy down" more tasks until we finally get some time off. Maybe.
Imagine picking up a phone and calling 50 people a day from a list. Further imagine a fairly standard conversion rate at 1%. You could reach someone for an eventual sale every two days. Not bad!
But also not good. If I want to sell something, why not call the five people who want it? Heck, if I call one person a day, I am doing twice as well as I was before. And if I NEED to reach out to fifty people, there is email for that. One mail merge later, and my work for today is complete.
Laziness also builds perception. Not only do you have to learn to pay attention to where you are wasting energy, but you must also learn to keep tabs on your boss and snitching co-workers. Can't get busted doing as much work in less time!
Oh, a part of you cringed. "But I SHOULD be working hard." The Puritan Work Ethic is a theological concept. The idea being hard work, diligence, and thrift are a way to show your salvation through Christianity. Because this country was founded by these religious zealots, we have this deeply ingrained mistaken belief.
Let me clear it up for you. The work is NOT more valuable than the result. And I am no Puritan.
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