1. Does this make me look fat? The logically correct answer is, "No. Fat makes you look fat. Dresses make you look dressed. Ready to go?" BUT DON'T SAY THAT. If you want to leave now, say instead- "No, you look great- let's go." If you want to get laid now or later try, "You look amazing. I'm going to tear that dress off of you now or later. Probably now." With a great relationship, you can tell her the truth. "You look great, but aren't going to like how that one makes your 'fill in the blank' look"
2. Do these shoes go with this? You don't know, do you? No one who matters cares about her shoes anyway. You can say, "Look at how I dress. Do you really want me to decide what matches?" Often I just say, "Are they comfortable enough to wear the whole time?" (See, because now you are showing you care more about how she feels than how she looks. Further, you don't want to hear how much her feet hurt when you are out trying to have a fun night. Finally, while I prefer the thigh high, black leather heeled dominatrix boots, apparently "they are not appropriate for every occasion.")
3. Is this too revealing? Tricky right? What is too revealing? The exact right amount of revealing is enough that the other men are jealous, but not so much that I end up in a fist fight when someone gets touchy. So think of your most lecherous friend. The Captain Kirk of your crew. If he saw a woman dressed as your loved one currently is, would he make a move? Yes? Too revealing. It is not bad to say yes. That protective little jealous urge is something she wants you to feel. But is it too revealing? Only if she thinks it is. Your job is to protect her, even if she's nude.
Congratulations. You made it out and back and had a great time. Hopefully post-coitus she asks more of the trap questions.
4. What are you thinking about? If I wanted you to know I'd have been talking. (Don't say that.) I prefer something like, "Why do some fundamental particles have mass when the intrinsic symmetries which govern their interactions seem to require they be massless? You know, just Higgs Boson stuff baby." Under no circumstances say, "I was just thinking about how much I love you." Unless you truly were and are prepared to answer the next question.
5. Why do you love me? Well hell. She went there. As if you have mapped this out. This explanation should never reference dopamine or serotonin. The truth is you find her attractive, enjoy spending time with her and she usually puts up with your bullshit. Tell her all of that.
6. I saw you talking to Maria (insert whatever name works) at the party. Do you think she's cute? Yes. you do. That's part of the reason you talked to her while she obsessed about whatever thing happened at work. And right now your significant other is most likely NOT asking to see if you want her to come over. Your girl isn't stupid. Don't lie. I like to balance the good with the bad in this case. I might say, "Yes, but she never stops complaining about work," or "She's pretty, but she has nothing on you." Other woman can be attractive. Be a virile male, not a jerk. She doesn't expect you to no longer have a sex drive.
7. What are we doing tonight? You have preferences but really don't care right? She cares and has preferences but wants you to be a man. So this is hard. Stop trying to please her with a "What do you want to do?" Have a plan. Three actually. Each plan has three steps. You can think of nine things that you both enjoy. Just don't do the same one every night, unless she is turned on by lazy and unoriginal.
Sample A: I was thinking dinner at Avanti's, then we pick up a bottle of wine and take it to the park, from there we walk to a good dark picnic spot, share some drinks and fool around.
Sample B: How about we just make a couple of sandwiches, cuddle up on the couch, and watch that new show you recorded?
8. Where is this relationship going? The dreaded question. It's a relationship. Not a photon. It doesn't have to be going somewhere. Enjoy it for what it is. She wants to know that you are committed to her and the next steps. Dating to moving in to engagement to marriage to children to taking care of her in old age. I can't tell you how to answer this one, because it is your damn romance. Is she your soulmate? Fun but not a keeper? But I will tell you this. Do NOT ever put this question back on her to answer for you.
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