I'm not going to lie to you. At least not in this moment, no promises on later. I find young women attractive. Twenty-two years old, everything is still pointing upward. They are probably in the best shape they will ever be. It is easy to look like a Victoria's Secret cover at this age.
But here's the thing. That's about it. That is the big advantage of younger women.
Those physical imperfections we all have? An older woman may see them as character. Her imperfections make me more comfortable with my own. Maybe mine do the same for her. In either case, the best sex comes from a woman over thirty. Less hang ups over her body. Less inhibitions. More skills. More experimental. Way more sex drive.
You know who knows how to give a complement? Older women. Young women don't tell you when they think you have nice eyes. They expect to be lavished with complements but rarely think of returning any. At LEAST ninety percent of the physical complements I have gotten in my life have come in the last five years. Either I am getting better with age (untrue, see paragraph one) or an older woman is enough less self-obsessed as to be able to remark on something other than the size of your wallet. Noah Brand made a good point about this here.
In my thirties I spent some time dating women in their twenties. At a decade younger than me, there was a 50% chance they could navigate conversation well. Be at least slightly interesting. Share some common ground. Disagree on a matter of political, religious or cultural thought without it devolving into the end of a relationship. At thirty years old, my chances of good conversation increased to 80%. Add a decade and we are hitting 90%. My guess is that is where we top out. No matter the age, some people just can't be interesting.
A twentysomething wants you to listen to her music. An older woman is okay if you don't like her music. Frankly, she doesn't need to give a damn. The same is true of her books and movies and so on. It is all about being comfortable in her skin. And the chances of similar tastes are so much better.
You know who is about my age? Christina Hendricks. You know who else isn't twenty and gets my jokes? Olivia Munn. I'd sit down for drinks with either one of them before any number of Miley Cyrus clones. Because eww.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
You don't need to know anything.
Rembrandt was born in 1606 in what was the Dutch Republic, but is now the Netherlands. Two minutes ago I didn't know that. With a wave of my magic wand (actually The Big Red Laptop) I found the info. No need to suffer the gap between knowing and not knowing. A comedian recently stated this means the time between knowing and not-knowing is so short as to make them essentially the same. So I posit, is that such a bad thing?
Smartphones, smartwatches, smartglasses, smartcontacts, Gibson-esque nanotech brain implants... I'd say the ability to access any piece of human knowledge on the go is here to stay. (Barring zombie apocalypse. Those guys ruin everything.) I graduated from college without Google. We actually had to know stuff.
Plato was a student of Socrates. Aristotle was a student of Plato. They laid the foundation of western thought. I've known that for twenty years, thanks to Mrs. Mishler and her class on Philosophy. But is knowing facts so important? The sky is blue. Big fucking deal. Nitrogen in the atmosphere scatters the light in the blue wavelength. Now you know. Thanks Mr. Ganske, and 8th grade science teachers everywhere.
But knowing stuff is easy. It is also nearly instantaneous and fairly accurate. Yet we are graduating students through school- based on the idea that knowing stuff will make you successful and therefore you must know x,y, and z to graduate. Then you graduate and clumsily look up all the stuff you forgot when you need it most. A movement started by Simon has destroyed our minds and educational system.
Not to worry, I have a solution. We just stop teaching things you should know. Seriously. How about we teach stuff you do?
How about logic to think more effectively?
Languages
Search techniques (I'm biased there.)
Martial arts
Programming
Cooking and sewing even
Driving
Art and Music
Balancing a checkbook
Then later if you need to know when the American Civil War happened, you can buy a smartphone with your balanced checkbook and look it up with your advanced search skills. A world full of people who know how to do things is more valuable than one where we merely know things.
Dinosaurs like me who learned tons of facts and can recall with clarity will act superior for about a decade and we will still beat you at Trivial Pursuit. Feel bad about it all the way to your piloting lesson.
Smartphones, smartwatches, smartglasses, smartcontacts, Gibson-esque nanotech brain implants... I'd say the ability to access any piece of human knowledge on the go is here to stay. (Barring zombie apocalypse. Those guys ruin everything.) I graduated from college without Google. We actually had to know stuff.
Plato was a student of Socrates. Aristotle was a student of Plato. They laid the foundation of western thought. I've known that for twenty years, thanks to Mrs. Mishler and her class on Philosophy. But is knowing facts so important? The sky is blue. Big fucking deal. Nitrogen in the atmosphere scatters the light in the blue wavelength. Now you know. Thanks Mr. Ganske, and 8th grade science teachers everywhere.
But knowing stuff is easy. It is also nearly instantaneous and fairly accurate. Yet we are graduating students through school- based on the idea that knowing stuff will make you successful and therefore you must know x,y, and z to graduate. Then you graduate and clumsily look up all the stuff you forgot when you need it most. A movement started by Simon has destroyed our minds and educational system.
Not to worry, I have a solution. We just stop teaching things you should know. Seriously. How about we teach stuff you do?
How about logic to think more effectively?
Languages
Search techniques (I'm biased there.)
Martial arts
Programming
Cooking and sewing even
Driving
Art and Music
Balancing a checkbook
Then later if you need to know when the American Civil War happened, you can buy a smartphone with your balanced checkbook and look it up with your advanced search skills. A world full of people who know how to do things is more valuable than one where we merely know things.
Dinosaurs like me who learned tons of facts and can recall with clarity will act superior for about a decade and we will still beat you at Trivial Pursuit. Feel bad about it all the way to your piloting lesson.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
The Early Bird Eats Worms
You've heard "The early bird gets the worm." With my three hours of sleep last night I have decided to contest this little nugget. First, yuck. Worms. Here is what the night owl gets. Other birds. While that early riser eats worms, the owl (not even in bed yet) swoops down and devours him like a KFC bucket. True story.
(I have eaten wings at midnight. So has Batman. Enjoy your worms.)
I've also heard that you can not catch up on sleep debt. Bullshit. Seriously. No one is collecting this debt. Take a nap if you are tired. It will not be rejected by the Sandman due to his requirement for you only pay on time. Somebody coined the clever little phrase "sleep debt" to make you afraid of not getting enough rest. Fear not. There is no lien. Just lean on a comfy couch and get what you need. It makes me think of charging your phone. Imagine if someone said, "if you don't charge it all the way now- you will never be able to charge it all the way again!" You would likely smack that person. And they should keep their eyes on their own phone anyway. This crap is private.
Early to bed and early to rise makes Ben Franklin healthy, wealthy and wise. Yet late to bed is a sign of creatives. Programmers, artists, inventors, writers and the like are more often most productive in the evening hours. Yes they may be starving artists, but they save a lot on Starbucks.
Less sleep has been correlated to weight gain. Who wants to be fat and tired? I prefer plump and alert. Or slim and alert when I can get it.
Sleeping has been shown to improve memory, long term retention, and learning. So without enough you are fat, tired and stupid. This makes the "Why am I so tired?" question unsolvable; you are incapable of figuring out how to figure out the answer to your question and too fat to type it into Google.
While all of these things are great reasons to sleep in. I have a final thought to convince you. Sometimes, with a combination of booze and/or late hours we do something we know we will regret in the morning. You can either stop doing those things (boring) or you can SHORTEN YOUR MORNING. It has now been scientifically proven that people who sleep in have less morning. Less time for regret. The math may be complicated if you are tired, but sleep on it. You can thank me in the afternoon.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
NASA and the USAF wage war on teens
About a week ago, news was served up hot and fresh about the $125,000 spent by NASA to develop the ability to 3D print pizza. Now I hear that Domino's (okay not the USAF, but still...) has developed the technology to deliver pizza via drone. When you combine these two you can almost fully take people out of the pepperoni process.
I think the moral implications of putting 17 year old boys out of work and replacing them with robots are obvious. But just in case you don't make the same leaps I do, let me spell them out.
Teenage boys are good at two things. Being horny and causing destructive mischief. I know this not just because I was one, but actually knew many. We are all the same; prank calling pizzas to your house, trying to take your daughter someplace alone, bashing mailboxes from automobiles. The list goes on, but I think you get it.
So, now without his hard earned pizza money (mine was from now bankrupt favorite, Pizza World out of Normal, Illinois.) The poor teen boy can no longer afford a vehicle or gas to bash your mailbox, has no way of taking your daughter on a date and the voice at Domino's sounds like Dr. Hawking. Violence is likely.
That's right. These sexually frustrated and occupationally abandoned boys are going to start attacking drones. Just for sport. For kicks. At first they will be successful too. The unarmed and very basically navigated drones will be easy prey. So they will be upgraded.
The ability to dodge and reroute themselves comes first of course. Then better defenses as the sport becomes too enthusiastic. Ultimately armed drones will deliver pizza and death throughout the suburbs.
The manufacturer of these drones (I imagine named something like CyberDyner) will construct PieNet, the first Artificial Intelligence capable of delivering everything except extra anchovies. That still needs a human touch.
Rather than give John Connor a reason to arm himself, we need to develop some way to fully remove humans from the equation. Perhaps only deliver remotely to mutant turtles? I'm not sure... Soylent Pizza has some ideas, but I'm not buying it.
This is just one set of problems. How much do you tip our machine overlords? Won't it work best to have a chip implanted they can just scan to collect money directly from your account? If I can 3D print a pizza, why would I pay you to do so for me and send it THROUGH THE AIR? Won't the airflow necessarily mean my pizza will be delivered cold? Will rival pizza companies arm their drones preemptively to shoot down the Dominators, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth about the pizza Domino's never delivered?
Okay, that's enough puns for now. I'll be back.
I think the moral implications of putting 17 year old boys out of work and replacing them with robots are obvious. But just in case you don't make the same leaps I do, let me spell them out.
Teenage boys are good at two things. Being horny and causing destructive mischief. I know this not just because I was one, but actually knew many. We are all the same; prank calling pizzas to your house, trying to take your daughter someplace alone, bashing mailboxes from automobiles. The list goes on, but I think you get it.
So, now without his hard earned pizza money (mine was from now bankrupt favorite, Pizza World out of Normal, Illinois.) The poor teen boy can no longer afford a vehicle or gas to bash your mailbox, has no way of taking your daughter on a date and the voice at Domino's sounds like Dr. Hawking. Violence is likely.
That's right. These sexually frustrated and occupationally abandoned boys are going to start attacking drones. Just for sport. For kicks. At first they will be successful too. The unarmed and very basically navigated drones will be easy prey. So they will be upgraded.
The ability to dodge and reroute themselves comes first of course. Then better defenses as the sport becomes too enthusiastic. Ultimately armed drones will deliver pizza and death throughout the suburbs.
The manufacturer of these drones (I imagine named something like CyberDyner) will construct PieNet, the first Artificial Intelligence capable of delivering everything except extra anchovies. That still needs a human touch.
Rather than give John Connor a reason to arm himself, we need to develop some way to fully remove humans from the equation. Perhaps only deliver remotely to mutant turtles? I'm not sure... Soylent Pizza has some ideas, but I'm not buying it.
This is just one set of problems. How much do you tip our machine overlords? Won't it work best to have a chip implanted they can just scan to collect money directly from your account? If I can 3D print a pizza, why would I pay you to do so for me and send it THROUGH THE AIR? Won't the airflow necessarily mean my pizza will be delivered cold? Will rival pizza companies arm their drones preemptively to shoot down the Dominators, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth about the pizza Domino's never delivered?
Okay, that's enough puns for now. I'll be back.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
How to ACTUALLY build relationships
I have seen dozens of articles, usually meant for salespeople, on how to build better relationships for success. I agree; success comes from relationships. But the advice includes tidbits like:
"Know your goals"
"Articulate your needs to others"
"Update others on your career success"
"Diversify your network"
Is it just me (no) or are all of those about how to make yourself the center of attention? That is not how to build a relationship, that's how to score a one night stand. And that is an entirely different blog post.
It's a fact: when someone connects with you strongly you like them more and will do more to help them. And if it wasn't a fact before, now this unsubstantiated claim will pave the way. But really, this is the very basis of friendship and family. Connection. Unsurprisingly, much of that connection comes from paying attention.
Look at the person with whom you are speaking. Not at your phone. Nor the clock, the television, whatever distraction is temporarily more important. And look at them with your whole body. Turn towards them. Really direct your attention. Here is a newsflash about important people. They don't need to look at their phone every few seconds. That is a task for an underling. Even without an underling to do so, very little on the other end of a phone requires constant attention.
Here is a related newsflash about being manly. Remember that action movie/western with the real macho hero who had his face buried in a phone? No? It doesn't exist. Neither does the one with the intriguing starlet who just couldn't look up.
I see that fake smile. I am an avid people watcher, and here is something most of you do. You smile when you see someone you know. Or want to know. As soon as they can't see your face, the smile dissolves. That feels insincere to me. Hold onto that smile for a bit. If your face muscles are too tired to do so, consider staying home you lazy scruff. I will go back to the movies for an example. When the two stars realize the other likes them and they smile as they walk away- it doesn't instantly revert to the stony facade they think is necessary to navigate life. Pay attention to this little thing and your life will be happier.
If I notice it, others do as well.
Remember stuff. You know the phrase, (S)he doesn't even know I exist? That's how people feel when you remember nothing of them. Consider these three options:
Heya, how's your, uhm, kids?
Hi buddy, how's your daughter?
Hi Joe, how's your daughter, Stephanie? Did she get that scholarship?
Which (assuming you had a daughter named Stephanie) makes you feel as if the person asking the question really listens to you? In order each shows I like you more and more. Include names, of the person and the connection. Our minds are connection machines, build on existing networks in their brain.
I frequently hear the excuse, "well my memory just isn't good enough for that." Suck it up. Get better.
It's that easy. Pay attention to the other person. Value the other person. That is how a relationship is built, not on your goals.
"Know your goals"
"Articulate your needs to others"
"Update others on your career success"
"Diversify your network"
Is it just me (no) or are all of those about how to make yourself the center of attention? That is not how to build a relationship, that's how to score a one night stand. And that is an entirely different blog post.
It's a fact: when someone connects with you strongly you like them more and will do more to help them. And if it wasn't a fact before, now this unsubstantiated claim will pave the way. But really, this is the very basis of friendship and family. Connection. Unsurprisingly, much of that connection comes from paying attention.
Look at the person with whom you are speaking. Not at your phone. Nor the clock, the television, whatever distraction is temporarily more important. And look at them with your whole body. Turn towards them. Really direct your attention. Here is a newsflash about important people. They don't need to look at their phone every few seconds. That is a task for an underling. Even without an underling to do so, very little on the other end of a phone requires constant attention.
Here is a related newsflash about being manly. Remember that action movie/western with the real macho hero who had his face buried in a phone? No? It doesn't exist. Neither does the one with the intriguing starlet who just couldn't look up.
I see that fake smile. I am an avid people watcher, and here is something most of you do. You smile when you see someone you know. Or want to know. As soon as they can't see your face, the smile dissolves. That feels insincere to me. Hold onto that smile for a bit. If your face muscles are too tired to do so, consider staying home you lazy scruff. I will go back to the movies for an example. When the two stars realize the other likes them and they smile as they walk away- it doesn't instantly revert to the stony facade they think is necessary to navigate life. Pay attention to this little thing and your life will be happier.
If I notice it, others do as well.
Remember stuff. You know the phrase, (S)he doesn't even know I exist? That's how people feel when you remember nothing of them. Consider these three options:
Heya, how's your, uhm, kids?
Hi buddy, how's your daughter?
Hi Joe, how's your daughter, Stephanie? Did she get that scholarship?
Which (assuming you had a daughter named Stephanie) makes you feel as if the person asking the question really listens to you? In order each shows I like you more and more. Include names, of the person and the connection. Our minds are connection machines, build on existing networks in their brain.
I frequently hear the excuse, "well my memory just isn't good enough for that." Suck it up. Get better.
It's that easy. Pay attention to the other person. Value the other person. That is how a relationship is built, not on your goals.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Ways Google Glass could make the world better
This is what I should see when I look through Glass:
At a drive-through, I want to see the accuracy percentage of the crew. That way I can check the bag if needed before pulling one foot forward.
When I meet someone, the web history Google is using to sell them stuff, as well as the suggested products. This could be my creepy new friend!
On a view of a license plate, the accident and insurance information of the primary driver of the vehicle. For safety, it's best to avoid stupid people.
Why on Earth would Glass not allow me to see as though through a telescope, microscope, nightvision, thermal imagery and so forth? Krypton Glass!
They should dim in bright light. I have glasses that do that. Dorky but darn convenient.
They should detect things I am about to step in and warn me. Puddle! Crap! Bad Relationship!
When I see beautiful sights it should automatically overlay it with inspirational nonsense. Like, "Every sunset brings a new sunrise." Or, "She's looking at you. You should introduce yourself."
Instant counting: Be your own Rainman! When it sees groups of like objects, the computer should count them for you. 247 nickels. Definitely. Definitely 247 good ideas.
Translations. Seriously. Can't it make everything I read and hear in a language I understand? Like Space Pirate? Arrr, tis the shiniest mind nugget this sid'a the verse. (That's what your text speak nonsense looks like to me, ya bilge rat.)
You ever find yourself talking to a downright homely person? Can't we have an overlay for that? With autodetection, obviously. (Warning, if drinking this is dangerous.)
A warning radar when other Glass users are in the area. That way I can delete my internet history. And put some clothes on.
Missile warning system. Well not exactly, but at least something that tells me instantly when I am being stalked online. Very nice when I can also see by whom.
Breathalyzer notification. "She's drunk enough to find me charming." Or "Make sure this person gets home safely."
Recipes. Food, cocktails, whatever. When I open the fridge and it sees my ingredients it could at least make a suggestion: "Hello Jason, perhaps a Fuzzy Navel? You can use one part lemonade, one part orange juice, and one part peach schnapps." Imagine the trips to the cupboard (waiting for your standards to lower) that will be saved.
If I can overlay the person, I should be able to overlay the whole day. I could make it look like a comic strip. Or a Peter Max painting. Or a Bogart film. Wait, you know what they say to do if you are nervous about speaking in front of a group- that.
The map of the mall is great. But really, where is my car? GPS power, activate!
Oh and I know you were on my face when I set my keys down. (Google Glass was, not you dear reader) Bring up a picture of that for me please.
With one simple caption and facial recognition software, I never again have to have that, "What's his name?" feeling again.
Guys, you know that feeling when you are looking a woman in the eyes listening to the entire conversation, and those eyes turn out to be breasts? Don't do that, just recall it later.
A rolling display of my schedule and other possible excuses that appear when someone asks me to do something. Not that I won't help, but options would be nice.
And the ear end of the temple should magnify sound when requested. More importantly, opposite frequency sound cancellation. Like a "Shut up" switch that doesn't make my hand sting.
Also, reminds me when to Shut Up.
At a drive-through, I want to see the accuracy percentage of the crew. That way I can check the bag if needed before pulling one foot forward.
When I meet someone, the web history Google is using to sell them stuff, as well as the suggested products. This could be my creepy new friend!
On a view of a license plate, the accident and insurance information of the primary driver of the vehicle. For safety, it's best to avoid stupid people.
Why on Earth would Glass not allow me to see as though through a telescope, microscope, nightvision, thermal imagery and so forth? Krypton Glass!
They should dim in bright light. I have glasses that do that. Dorky but darn convenient.
They should detect things I am about to step in and warn me. Puddle! Crap! Bad Relationship!
When I see beautiful sights it should automatically overlay it with inspirational nonsense. Like, "Every sunset brings a new sunrise." Or, "She's looking at you. You should introduce yourself."
Instant counting: Be your own Rainman! When it sees groups of like objects, the computer should count them for you. 247 nickels. Definitely. Definitely 247 good ideas.
Translations. Seriously. Can't it make everything I read and hear in a language I understand? Like Space Pirate? Arrr, tis the shiniest mind nugget this sid'a the verse. (That's what your text speak nonsense looks like to me, ya bilge rat.)
You ever find yourself talking to a downright homely person? Can't we have an overlay for that? With autodetection, obviously. (Warning, if drinking this is dangerous.)
A warning radar when other Glass users are in the area. That way I can delete my internet history. And put some clothes on.
Missile warning system. Well not exactly, but at least something that tells me instantly when I am being stalked online. Very nice when I can also see by whom.
Breathalyzer notification. "She's drunk enough to find me charming." Or "Make sure this person gets home safely."
Recipes. Food, cocktails, whatever. When I open the fridge and it sees my ingredients it could at least make a suggestion: "Hello Jason, perhaps a Fuzzy Navel? You can use one part lemonade, one part orange juice, and one part peach schnapps." Imagine the trips to the cupboard (waiting for your standards to lower) that will be saved.
If I can overlay the person, I should be able to overlay the whole day. I could make it look like a comic strip. Or a Peter Max painting. Or a Bogart film. Wait, you know what they say to do if you are nervous about speaking in front of a group- that.
The map of the mall is great. But really, where is my car? GPS power, activate!
Oh and I know you were on my face when I set my keys down. (Google Glass was, not you dear reader) Bring up a picture of that for me please.
With one simple caption and facial recognition software, I never again have to have that, "What's his name?" feeling again.
Guys, you know that feeling when you are looking a woman in the eyes listening to the entire conversation, and those eyes turn out to be breasts? Don't do that, just recall it later.
A rolling display of my schedule and other possible excuses that appear when someone asks me to do something. Not that I won't help, but options would be nice.
And the ear end of the temple should magnify sound when requested. More importantly, opposite frequency sound cancellation. Like a "Shut up" switch that doesn't make my hand sting.
Also, reminds me when to Shut Up.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Dating vs. Recruiting: How to fill two birds with one stone
In many of my classes I explain how important it is to consider dating and recruiting to be EXACTLY alike. And recruiting is sales in TWO directions. A person to a company and a company to a person. One bird here is dating, and the other is sales. I'll be the rock. Not The Rock, that's taken.
So let's draw some connections and use the caps lock a few more times. In this first entry I will talk about the job posting. This is (of course) an advertisement for a job. I am generally opposed to posting jobs, yet I met my girlfriend through Craigslist. So please, deal with the hypocrisy. And don't judge.
Step 1. Place the advertisement in a the right location. Swedishjanitors.com may have free job postings, but your ideal Manufacturing Engineer does NOT look for jobs there. Likewise, throwing on that little black dress to clean your house only works if you want to date your roommate or the creepy guy who looks in your windows. He says hi.
Step 2. Stop yelling. Honestly people. I think the thought process going on in a job posting or even an online dating ad must be, "If I use all caps, I will stand out!" Picture if you will a pretty woman sitting in her little black dress all alone in a smoky jazz bar. A man, call him "Jason," has met her eyes and smiled a few times. He then comes over with a little swagger in his walk and bellows, "HI I"M JASON, IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?" Yup, I can stand out too.
Step 3. Describe yourself (and therefore your position/product whatever) is the most commonly used terms.Yes I am both altitudinous and erudite, yet still delightfully jocular. When someone looks for their ideal date they may run a search for tall, well-educated and funny. Your product description can't be oddly specific in a way only used internally. I found hundreds of current job postings today for "shop technician 2." Which is what?
Step 4. Open Strong. "Is this seat taken? I don't bite... unless it's called for." Your opening in any sales situation is crucial. In my office we frequently use the phrase, "talked himself out of a job." This happens when a candidate that was doing fine keeps talking until they say too much. It is the Peter Principle applied to conversation.You must open strong, be specific, then SHUT UP. I could write an entire post on the power of shutting up.
Step 5. Be honest. If you are only interested in dating 70+ inch tall ballerinas who have a degree in chemistry, that needs to be stated in your "product needs." Otherwise you end up with 69 inch dancers who studied anatomy and what would you do with them? If you go look at personal ads (or job ads) both often fail to describe the role in honest, detailed terms. If the job requires the person to stare at a screen for 80% of the day, inputting data- why emphasis the need for a team player? You will just hire a team player, who will be miserable. I don't like long walks on the beach. Nor do I claim to. Long lounges on the beach with drinks? I'm in.
Step 6. I never said be yourself. We all put our best foot forward when dating, interviewing, describing the job. That is fine. I can be irritable, condescending, domineering, sweet, patient and charming. Dating should reveal a mix of that, but tempered. And by tempered I mean again, SHUT UP. The job description nor the blog post should go so long as to lose interest. That's why this is just Vol 1.
So let's draw some connections and use the caps lock a few more times. In this first entry I will talk about the job posting. This is (of course) an advertisement for a job. I am generally opposed to posting jobs, yet I met my girlfriend through Craigslist. So please, deal with the hypocrisy. And don't judge.
Step 1. Place the advertisement in a the right location. Swedishjanitors.com may have free job postings, but your ideal Manufacturing Engineer does NOT look for jobs there. Likewise, throwing on that little black dress to clean your house only works if you want to date your roommate or the creepy guy who looks in your windows. He says hi.
Step 2. Stop yelling. Honestly people. I think the thought process going on in a job posting or even an online dating ad must be, "If I use all caps, I will stand out!" Picture if you will a pretty woman sitting in her little black dress all alone in a smoky jazz bar. A man, call him "Jason," has met her eyes and smiled a few times. He then comes over with a little swagger in his walk and bellows, "HI I"M JASON, IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?" Yup, I can stand out too.
Step 3. Describe yourself (and therefore your position/product whatever) is the most commonly used terms.Yes I am both altitudinous and erudite, yet still delightfully jocular. When someone looks for their ideal date they may run a search for tall, well-educated and funny. Your product description can't be oddly specific in a way only used internally. I found hundreds of current job postings today for "shop technician 2." Which is what?
Step 4. Open Strong. "Is this seat taken? I don't bite... unless it's called for." Your opening in any sales situation is crucial. In my office we frequently use the phrase, "talked himself out of a job." This happens when a candidate that was doing fine keeps talking until they say too much. It is the Peter Principle applied to conversation.You must open strong, be specific, then SHUT UP. I could write an entire post on the power of shutting up.
Step 5. Be honest. If you are only interested in dating 70+ inch tall ballerinas who have a degree in chemistry, that needs to be stated in your "product needs." Otherwise you end up with 69 inch dancers who studied anatomy and what would you do with them? If you go look at personal ads (or job ads) both often fail to describe the role in honest, detailed terms. If the job requires the person to stare at a screen for 80% of the day, inputting data- why emphasis the need for a team player? You will just hire a team player, who will be miserable. I don't like long walks on the beach. Nor do I claim to. Long lounges on the beach with drinks? I'm in.
Step 6. I never said be yourself. We all put our best foot forward when dating, interviewing, describing the job. That is fine. I can be irritable, condescending, domineering, sweet, patient and charming. Dating should reveal a mix of that, but tempered. And by tempered I mean again, SHUT UP. The job description nor the blog post should go so long as to lose interest. That's why this is just Vol 1.
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