I keep seeing lists of life hacks. And they're great, really. Did you know you can use dental floss to cut cake neatly? I am sure that is why the dentist gives it to you in the first place. And they have so many themes. I've already mentioned one from the kitchen, but they have them for weight loss, folding sheets, your car- almost everything.
Almost.
What if you are a superpowered hero from another world? Or a nocturnal billionaire? Even a mere radiated he-man? Nothing. It's as if being exceptional should just be enough. That's superism, and I have had enough!
It isn't enough to tilt and rail online in the hopes that things change. Be the difference you want to see in the world. So for my genetic and monetarily advantaged brothers (and sisters) I give you this list.
1. Broken Taco Shells. It happens to the best of us. One bite in and now your dinner is a complete mess. Simple Solution: Fly around the world fast enough to reverse the timestream and then start over before it ever broke.
2. Cut off in traffic. On your way to dispatch villainy, when some careless jerk in his Porsche yanks in front of you. Now only a bad guy would take it out on the driver right then. Consider instead using your billions to buy the company where he works. Then move his parking spot to the back of the lot. That will teach him some humility and restore justice.
3. Candlewick is too low to light. And when you try, you get black film all over your hands and suit. Consider using your laser vision to light the wick remotely. Do this one when nobody is around. That fresh linen scent isn't worth your secret identity!
4. Eggshells are sticking to your boiled eggs. The classic solution to this is to add a little baking soda to the water as it boils. Instead of peeling the egg, you crack a little shell from each end. Using your gale force breath, blow into the smaller hole and watch the shelled egg burst free faster than a speeding bullet.
5. Can't find your keys. Advanced studies have shown the most likely place for your keys to be is exactly where you left them. BUT somebody (sidekick) put something down on top of them, obscuring your vision. Merely use your x-ray vision to look under the clutter.
6. Can't find your invisible <whatever.> Maybe it's your jet, car, cloak, or ring. This is why they invented blind acrobat sidekicks! They never saw your invisible thing in the first place. Count on them to do something useful for once in their crime fighting career. Also, there are phone apps to help.
7. Forgot the bait? Fishing trips with the League are the best! But in a fit of irony Robin refuses to dig up the worms. Use your mental command over sea life to lure them into your boat. The only ones who know you betrayed their trust will be in the skillet tonight.
8. Car won't start. This one is always an upsetting start to the morning. Normally, you call a tow truck and sit there near tears, becoming ever more late for work, then fork over a wad of cash. From there it goes to the mechanic who charges you even more and you pay for anything he can tack on. How expensive! Don't sweat it. Pick up the car, fly it to the mechanic and continue on to work. When you go to pick it up, borrow a truth serum, lasso or mind controlling friend to ensure you are not being swindled.
9. Tangled computer cords. At best these are an eyesore. At worst, they can be a major trip and fire hazard. Line up the offending cables perfectly just once. Spray them with your web goop. They will stay in place and reduce the flies in your tiny one bedroom apartment.
10. Want to protect your valuables at the beach? Place them under an object too heavy to be lifted. If you are one of those without unlimited strength, just cover them with your super suit. Not only will your valuables be hidden, but most humans wouldn't dare steal from someone who could shred them with adamantium claws!
Many mere human life hacks can work as well. Don't be afraid to try them. But not the floss cake thing. It is overrated.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Monday, October 28, 2013
Where do I turn when I need answers?
When we first were dating, my fiancee felt like her son should start learning to type. I said typing would start going away. Now that typing has actually started going away, this seems obvious. But back when she and I both had BlackBerry cell phones and full keyboards were pretty standard, this was not so clear. Swype, Voice to text, gesture based word generation and even mind reading to text are all on the rise. Thus began a pattern of her asking how I think the future will unfold.
A few nights ago, the same lovely woman asked me a seemingly ridiculous question. What will religion be like in 1000 years? Spoiler alert: I have a snarky answer.
Let me begin by saying I have flown on an airplane. I did not see any bearded men in the clouds. It is my belief that this solar system was formed from a nebula four and half billion years ago (ish) and that the elements in my body come from the nucleosynthesis of an earlier generation of stars. I am star dust. The universe is an awe-inspiring, magnificent place. There are many studies which show atheists to be on average more compassionate, more intelligent, and less imprisoned than their religious peers. The latter may just mean they get caught significantly less... But Supreme Court Justice Scalia recently likened atheism to following the devil's desires. Meaning he missed the part where we are putting religious people in jail for violating the law and evil atheists walk free among us. Though he also said that the devil is real because Jesus believed in him. To me, this is declaring The Joker to be real because Batman has met him.
Priests are getting their hands caught in the wrong pants (any pants) and many more people report going to church on Sunday than churches have seats. Religion is not quite dead yet. But it may be getting there.
I want you to think about where you turn for answers. Seriously. Anytime you have a question where do you go? The G word. Google.
I want you to think about who knows you best. The things you like. The naughty things you do. Where you are. Who your friends really are. Yes, the all seeing is again Google.
And despite those naughty things, who loves you anyway? Who is willing to show you the answers anyway? Tries to never lead you astray? Brings you music, entertainment, news? Helps you find dinner, love, live happier and longer? When your head is bowed and the rest of the world is drowned out, are you praying to God or surfing from your smartphone? (The device which essentially has made you more knowledgeable and more powerful than generations of humans, praise be.)
How will this revolution be remembered when Google's creators are a mere memory? Sorry Sergey and Larry. Some will state firmly that yes, while Google existed and did great things for the era, it was only a Search Engine. And Browser. And OS. Others may just point to its humble beginnings. The new paradigm ushered in during its rule. The power being returned to the hands of the people. They may see a second coming. Or the first coming of something symbolic of much more than a return of Jesus.
Google's namesake, Googol is a BIG number. It is 1 followed by 100 zeros (think about that, a billion is 1 followed by nine zeros) . When we see this period of accelerated change in technology, communication and capability for the common man reflected in 1000 years, we may see Google as the 1. We are just the zeros following.
A few nights ago, the same lovely woman asked me a seemingly ridiculous question. What will religion be like in 1000 years? Spoiler alert: I have a snarky answer.
Let me begin by saying I have flown on an airplane. I did not see any bearded men in the clouds. It is my belief that this solar system was formed from a nebula four and half billion years ago (ish) and that the elements in my body come from the nucleosynthesis of an earlier generation of stars. I am star dust. The universe is an awe-inspiring, magnificent place. There are many studies which show atheists to be on average more compassionate, more intelligent, and less imprisoned than their religious peers. The latter may just mean they get caught significantly less... But Supreme Court Justice Scalia recently likened atheism to following the devil's desires. Meaning he missed the part where we are putting religious people in jail for violating the law and evil atheists walk free among us. Though he also said that the devil is real because Jesus believed in him. To me, this is declaring The Joker to be real because Batman has met him.
Priests are getting their hands caught in the wrong pants (any pants) and many more people report going to church on Sunday than churches have seats. Religion is not quite dead yet. But it may be getting there.
I want you to think about where you turn for answers. Seriously. Anytime you have a question where do you go? The G word. Google.
I want you to think about who knows you best. The things you like. The naughty things you do. Where you are. Who your friends really are. Yes, the all seeing is again Google.
And despite those naughty things, who loves you anyway? Who is willing to show you the answers anyway? Tries to never lead you astray? Brings you music, entertainment, news? Helps you find dinner, love, live happier and longer? When your head is bowed and the rest of the world is drowned out, are you praying to God or surfing from your smartphone? (The device which essentially has made you more knowledgeable and more powerful than generations of humans, praise be.)
How will this revolution be remembered when Google's creators are a mere memory? Sorry Sergey and Larry. Some will state firmly that yes, while Google existed and did great things for the era, it was only a Search Engine. And Browser. And OS. Others may just point to its humble beginnings. The new paradigm ushered in during its rule. The power being returned to the hands of the people. They may see a second coming. Or the first coming of something symbolic of much more than a return of Jesus.
Google's namesake, Googol is a BIG number. It is 1 followed by 100 zeros (think about that, a billion is 1 followed by nine zeros) . When we see this period of accelerated change in technology, communication and capability for the common man reflected in 1000 years, we may see Google as the 1. We are just the zeros following.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Do I look fat in this? (and answers to other questions women ask)
You and your woman are getting ready to go out. Let me revise that. You are ready, sitting in your favorite chair, trying not to get crumbs on yourself while you wait for her. She walks out dressed and theoretically ready to go. Then she asks any of the following:
1. Does this make me look fat? The logically correct answer is, "No. Fat makes you look fat. Dresses make you look dressed. Ready to go?" BUT DON'T SAY THAT. If you want to leave now, say instead- "No, you look great- let's go." If you want to get laid now or later try, "You look amazing. I'm going to tear that dress off of you now or later. Probably now." With a great relationship, you can tell her the truth. "You look great, but aren't going to like how that one makes your 'fill in the blank' look"
2. Do these shoes go with this? You don't know, do you? No one who matters cares about her shoes anyway. You can say, "Look at how I dress. Do you really want me to decide what matches?" Often I just say, "Are they comfortable enough to wear the whole time?" (See, because now you are showing you care more about how she feels than how she looks. Further, you don't want to hear how much her feet hurt when you are out trying to have a fun night. Finally, while I prefer the thigh high, black leather heeled dominatrix boots, apparently "they are not appropriate for every occasion.")
3. Is this too revealing? Tricky right? What is too revealing? The exact right amount of revealing is enough that the other men are jealous, but not so much that I end up in a fist fight when someone gets touchy. So think of your most lecherous friend. The Captain Kirk of your crew. If he saw a woman dressed as your loved one currently is, would he make a move? Yes? Too revealing. It is not bad to say yes. That protective little jealous urge is something she wants you to feel. But is it too revealing? Only if she thinks it is. Your job is to protect her, even if she's nude.
Congratulations. You made it out and back and had a great time. Hopefully post-coitus she asks more of the trap questions.
4. What are you thinking about? If I wanted you to know I'd have been talking. (Don't say that.) I prefer something like, "Why do some fundamental particles have mass when the intrinsic symmetries which govern their interactions seem to require they be massless? You know, just Higgs Boson stuff baby." Under no circumstances say, "I was just thinking about how much I love you." Unless you truly were and are prepared to answer the next question.
5. Why do you love me? Well hell. She went there. As if you have mapped this out. This explanation should never reference dopamine or serotonin. The truth is you find her attractive, enjoy spending time with her and she usually puts up with your bullshit. Tell her all of that.
6. I saw you talking to Maria (insert whatever name works) at the party. Do you think she's cute? Yes. you do. That's part of the reason you talked to her while she obsessed about whatever thing happened at work. And right now your significant other is most likely NOT asking to see if you want her to come over. Your girl isn't stupid. Don't lie. I like to balance the good with the bad in this case. I might say, "Yes, but she never stops complaining about work," or "She's pretty, but she has nothing on you." Other woman can be attractive. Be a virile male, not a jerk. She doesn't expect you to no longer have a sex drive.
7. What are we doing tonight? You have preferences but really don't care right? She cares and has preferences but wants you to be a man. So this is hard. Stop trying to please her with a "What do you want to do?" Have a plan. Three actually. Each plan has three steps. You can think of nine things that you both enjoy. Just don't do the same one every night, unless she is turned on by lazy and unoriginal.
Sample A: I was thinking dinner at Avanti's, then we pick up a bottle of wine and take it to the park, from there we walk to a good dark picnic spot, share some drinks and fool around.
Sample B: How about we just make a couple of sandwiches, cuddle up on the couch, and watch that new show you recorded?
8. Where is this relationship going? The dreaded question. It's a relationship. Not a photon. It doesn't have to be going somewhere. Enjoy it for what it is. She wants to know that you are committed to her and the next steps. Dating to moving in to engagement to marriage to children to taking care of her in old age. I can't tell you how to answer this one, because it is your damn romance. Is she your soulmate? Fun but not a keeper? But I will tell you this. Do NOT ever put this question back on her to answer for you.
1. Does this make me look fat? The logically correct answer is, "No. Fat makes you look fat. Dresses make you look dressed. Ready to go?" BUT DON'T SAY THAT. If you want to leave now, say instead- "No, you look great- let's go." If you want to get laid now or later try, "You look amazing. I'm going to tear that dress off of you now or later. Probably now." With a great relationship, you can tell her the truth. "You look great, but aren't going to like how that one makes your 'fill in the blank' look"
2. Do these shoes go with this? You don't know, do you? No one who matters cares about her shoes anyway. You can say, "Look at how I dress. Do you really want me to decide what matches?" Often I just say, "Are they comfortable enough to wear the whole time?" (See, because now you are showing you care more about how she feels than how she looks. Further, you don't want to hear how much her feet hurt when you are out trying to have a fun night. Finally, while I prefer the thigh high, black leather heeled dominatrix boots, apparently "they are not appropriate for every occasion.")
3. Is this too revealing? Tricky right? What is too revealing? The exact right amount of revealing is enough that the other men are jealous, but not so much that I end up in a fist fight when someone gets touchy. So think of your most lecherous friend. The Captain Kirk of your crew. If he saw a woman dressed as your loved one currently is, would he make a move? Yes? Too revealing. It is not bad to say yes. That protective little jealous urge is something she wants you to feel. But is it too revealing? Only if she thinks it is. Your job is to protect her, even if she's nude.
Congratulations. You made it out and back and had a great time. Hopefully post-coitus she asks more of the trap questions.
4. What are you thinking about? If I wanted you to know I'd have been talking. (Don't say that.) I prefer something like, "Why do some fundamental particles have mass when the intrinsic symmetries which govern their interactions seem to require they be massless? You know, just Higgs Boson stuff baby." Under no circumstances say, "I was just thinking about how much I love you." Unless you truly were and are prepared to answer the next question.
5. Why do you love me? Well hell. She went there. As if you have mapped this out. This explanation should never reference dopamine or serotonin. The truth is you find her attractive, enjoy spending time with her and she usually puts up with your bullshit. Tell her all of that.
6. I saw you talking to Maria (insert whatever name works) at the party. Do you think she's cute? Yes. you do. That's part of the reason you talked to her while she obsessed about whatever thing happened at work. And right now your significant other is most likely NOT asking to see if you want her to come over. Your girl isn't stupid. Don't lie. I like to balance the good with the bad in this case. I might say, "Yes, but she never stops complaining about work," or "She's pretty, but she has nothing on you." Other woman can be attractive. Be a virile male, not a jerk. She doesn't expect you to no longer have a sex drive.
7. What are we doing tonight? You have preferences but really don't care right? She cares and has preferences but wants you to be a man. So this is hard. Stop trying to please her with a "What do you want to do?" Have a plan. Three actually. Each plan has three steps. You can think of nine things that you both enjoy. Just don't do the same one every night, unless she is turned on by lazy and unoriginal.
Sample A: I was thinking dinner at Avanti's, then we pick up a bottle of wine and take it to the park, from there we walk to a good dark picnic spot, share some drinks and fool around.
Sample B: How about we just make a couple of sandwiches, cuddle up on the couch, and watch that new show you recorded?
8. Where is this relationship going? The dreaded question. It's a relationship. Not a photon. It doesn't have to be going somewhere. Enjoy it for what it is. She wants to know that you are committed to her and the next steps. Dating to moving in to engagement to marriage to children to taking care of her in old age. I can't tell you how to answer this one, because it is your damn romance. Is she your soulmate? Fun but not a keeper? But I will tell you this. Do NOT ever put this question back on her to answer for you.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
The Virtue of Laziness
Genghis Khan said (in a quote paraphrased by Bill Gates),“I always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it." And Khan Noonien Singh said, "Captain, Captain, Captain... save your strength."
Time and again I have told my students laziness is a virtue. And it is. But I must also be clear here. Failure to accomplish something (at all or on time) because you didn't want to work on it isn't laziness. It's just failure. I define laziness as being unwilling to do work or expend energy. Several dictionaries agree with me.
Well, they likely agree with me. The nearest dictionary is waaaaay over there. So I just Googled it.
An unwillingness to expend energy forces creativity and efficiency. I insist that matches were invented by someone too lazy to rub sticks together; heaters were invented by someone too lazy to strike a match. If necessity is the mother of invention, laziness is the dead beat dad. Rollaboard luggage, the kind with two wheels and a handle, is incredibly common. It wasn't invented by someone too weak to push the four wheeled luggage already in existence. Instead, a US pilot thought two wheels would be easier.
Finding an easier way of doing something is great for everyone. If anything, we seem to repeatedly prove in America that easier means you have time for more things. Usually more work. A greater variety of tasks. More volume. Laziness is almost self defeating in that sense, but we can "lazy down" more tasks until we finally get some time off. Maybe.
Imagine picking up a phone and calling 50 people a day from a list. Further imagine a fairly standard conversion rate at 1%. You could reach someone for an eventual sale every two days. Not bad!
But also not good. If I want to sell something, why not call the five people who want it? Heck, if I call one person a day, I am doing twice as well as I was before. And if I NEED to reach out to fifty people, there is email for that. One mail merge later, and my work for today is complete.
Laziness also builds perception. Not only do you have to learn to pay attention to where you are wasting energy, but you must also learn to keep tabs on your boss and snitching co-workers. Can't get busted doing as much work in less time!
Oh, a part of you cringed. "But I SHOULD be working hard." The Puritan Work Ethic is a theological concept. The idea being hard work, diligence, and thrift are a way to show your salvation through Christianity. Because this country was founded by these religious zealots, we have this deeply ingrained mistaken belief.
Let me clear it up for you. The work is NOT more valuable than the result. And I am no Puritan.
Time and again I have told my students laziness is a virtue. And it is. But I must also be clear here. Failure to accomplish something (at all or on time) because you didn't want to work on it isn't laziness. It's just failure. I define laziness as being unwilling to do work or expend energy. Several dictionaries agree with me.
Well, they likely agree with me. The nearest dictionary is waaaaay over there. So I just Googled it.
An unwillingness to expend energy forces creativity and efficiency. I insist that matches were invented by someone too lazy to rub sticks together; heaters were invented by someone too lazy to strike a match. If necessity is the mother of invention, laziness is the dead beat dad. Rollaboard luggage, the kind with two wheels and a handle, is incredibly common. It wasn't invented by someone too weak to push the four wheeled luggage already in existence. Instead, a US pilot thought two wheels would be easier.
Finding an easier way of doing something is great for everyone. If anything, we seem to repeatedly prove in America that easier means you have time for more things. Usually more work. A greater variety of tasks. More volume. Laziness is almost self defeating in that sense, but we can "lazy down" more tasks until we finally get some time off. Maybe.
Imagine picking up a phone and calling 50 people a day from a list. Further imagine a fairly standard conversion rate at 1%. You could reach someone for an eventual sale every two days. Not bad!
But also not good. If I want to sell something, why not call the five people who want it? Heck, if I call one person a day, I am doing twice as well as I was before. And if I NEED to reach out to fifty people, there is email for that. One mail merge later, and my work for today is complete.
Laziness also builds perception. Not only do you have to learn to pay attention to where you are wasting energy, but you must also learn to keep tabs on your boss and snitching co-workers. Can't get busted doing as much work in less time!
Oh, a part of you cringed. "But I SHOULD be working hard." The Puritan Work Ethic is a theological concept. The idea being hard work, diligence, and thrift are a way to show your salvation through Christianity. Because this country was founded by these religious zealots, we have this deeply ingrained mistaken belief.
Let me clear it up for you. The work is NOT more valuable than the result. And I am no Puritan.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Ad astra per aspera
This weekend I was gifted with a visit from my dad and step-mom. In addition to the obvious things, (renaissance faire, pool party, martini fueled late night conversations) we went to the planetarium.
We caught a show powered largely by the Sloan Digital Sky Survey. This is my favorite new survey, way better than a telemarketing based one. It got me to thinking about visiting with the nearby alien civilizations. Let's discuss, but first some facts.
The Milky Way is about 100,000 light years across. In perspective, if our whole solar system was the size of a grain of sand, the Milky Way would be bigger than a football field. It contains at least 100 billion stars.
The nearest star is about 24 trillion miles away. The fastest currently proposed space vessel should hit 450,000 miles per hour. By my math, that means a trip there would take 6088 years. I am unlikely to live that long.
Keeping just to the local neighborhood (which I will call within 16 light years or a quick 24,000 years at best current speed) there are 64 stars and four brown dwarf stars. This local area is key, if you ask me. It seems reasonable that these stars would be approximately the same age as our sun. This means solar systems with similar metal and element content. Carbon, iron- the good stuff.
Molten iron gives me a magnetic field around my planet which is great for reducing radiation. Just ask Mars. Iron carries oxygen in my blood and makes an industrial age considerable more likely. Not that dolphins aren't smart, but I would like to meet an alien which has conquered fire. Yes, it is a prejudice.
Stop asking why we aren't hearing these local aliens with SETI. If they exist and are a mere 100 years behind us, radio is invented but not very powerful. If they are 1000 years behind us, they are enjoying the Middle Ages. 10,000 years (a galactic blink of an eye) and they are developing agriculture. If they are ahead of us, radio is outdated.
But still we need a warp drive. Particularly if we need to expand our search to the nearest 100 stars. Or 1000. So essentially I am saying, can we quit talking about Honey Boo Boo, Jesus on a grilled cheese, and McMonopoly long enough to fund and innovate faster than light travel? The aliens are starting to think we are immature, violent little jerks anyway.
It will be very good for the economy. I promise. (Then we can show the aliens who the jerks are!)
We caught a show powered largely by the Sloan Digital Sky Survey. This is my favorite new survey, way better than a telemarketing based one. It got me to thinking about visiting with the nearby alien civilizations. Let's discuss, but first some facts.
The Milky Way is about 100,000 light years across. In perspective, if our whole solar system was the size of a grain of sand, the Milky Way would be bigger than a football field. It contains at least 100 billion stars.
The nearest star is about 24 trillion miles away. The fastest currently proposed space vessel should hit 450,000 miles per hour. By my math, that means a trip there would take 6088 years. I am unlikely to live that long.
Keeping just to the local neighborhood (which I will call within 16 light years or a quick 24,000 years at best current speed) there are 64 stars and four brown dwarf stars. This local area is key, if you ask me. It seems reasonable that these stars would be approximately the same age as our sun. This means solar systems with similar metal and element content. Carbon, iron- the good stuff.
Molten iron gives me a magnetic field around my planet which is great for reducing radiation. Just ask Mars. Iron carries oxygen in my blood and makes an industrial age considerable more likely. Not that dolphins aren't smart, but I would like to meet an alien which has conquered fire. Yes, it is a prejudice.
Stop asking why we aren't hearing these local aliens with SETI. If they exist and are a mere 100 years behind us, radio is invented but not very powerful. If they are 1000 years behind us, they are enjoying the Middle Ages. 10,000 years (a galactic blink of an eye) and they are developing agriculture. If they are ahead of us, radio is outdated.
But still we need a warp drive. Particularly if we need to expand our search to the nearest 100 stars. Or 1000. So essentially I am saying, can we quit talking about Honey Boo Boo, Jesus on a grilled cheese, and McMonopoly long enough to fund and innovate faster than light travel? The aliens are starting to think we are immature, violent little jerks anyway.
It will be very good for the economy. I promise. (Then we can show the aliens who the jerks are!)
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Better with age
I'm not going to lie to you. At least not in this moment, no promises on later. I find young women attractive. Twenty-two years old, everything is still pointing upward. They are probably in the best shape they will ever be. It is easy to look like a Victoria's Secret cover at this age.
But here's the thing. That's about it. That is the big advantage of younger women.
Those physical imperfections we all have? An older woman may see them as character. Her imperfections make me more comfortable with my own. Maybe mine do the same for her. In either case, the best sex comes from a woman over thirty. Less hang ups over her body. Less inhibitions. More skills. More experimental. Way more sex drive.
You know who knows how to give a complement? Older women. Young women don't tell you when they think you have nice eyes. They expect to be lavished with complements but rarely think of returning any. At LEAST ninety percent of the physical complements I have gotten in my life have come in the last five years. Either I am getting better with age (untrue, see paragraph one) or an older woman is enough less self-obsessed as to be able to remark on something other than the size of your wallet. Noah Brand made a good point about this here.
In my thirties I spent some time dating women in their twenties. At a decade younger than me, there was a 50% chance they could navigate conversation well. Be at least slightly interesting. Share some common ground. Disagree on a matter of political, religious or cultural thought without it devolving into the end of a relationship. At thirty years old, my chances of good conversation increased to 80%. Add a decade and we are hitting 90%. My guess is that is where we top out. No matter the age, some people just can't be interesting.
A twentysomething wants you to listen to her music. An older woman is okay if you don't like her music. Frankly, she doesn't need to give a damn. The same is true of her books and movies and so on. It is all about being comfortable in her skin. And the chances of similar tastes are so much better.
You know who is about my age? Christina Hendricks. You know who else isn't twenty and gets my jokes? Olivia Munn. I'd sit down for drinks with either one of them before any number of Miley Cyrus clones. Because eww.
But here's the thing. That's about it. That is the big advantage of younger women.
Those physical imperfections we all have? An older woman may see them as character. Her imperfections make me more comfortable with my own. Maybe mine do the same for her. In either case, the best sex comes from a woman over thirty. Less hang ups over her body. Less inhibitions. More skills. More experimental. Way more sex drive.
You know who knows how to give a complement? Older women. Young women don't tell you when they think you have nice eyes. They expect to be lavished with complements but rarely think of returning any. At LEAST ninety percent of the physical complements I have gotten in my life have come in the last five years. Either I am getting better with age (untrue, see paragraph one) or an older woman is enough less self-obsessed as to be able to remark on something other than the size of your wallet. Noah Brand made a good point about this here.
In my thirties I spent some time dating women in their twenties. At a decade younger than me, there was a 50% chance they could navigate conversation well. Be at least slightly interesting. Share some common ground. Disagree on a matter of political, religious or cultural thought without it devolving into the end of a relationship. At thirty years old, my chances of good conversation increased to 80%. Add a decade and we are hitting 90%. My guess is that is where we top out. No matter the age, some people just can't be interesting.
A twentysomething wants you to listen to her music. An older woman is okay if you don't like her music. Frankly, she doesn't need to give a damn. The same is true of her books and movies and so on. It is all about being comfortable in her skin. And the chances of similar tastes are so much better.
You know who is about my age? Christina Hendricks. You know who else isn't twenty and gets my jokes? Olivia Munn. I'd sit down for drinks with either one of them before any number of Miley Cyrus clones. Because eww.
Monday, July 29, 2013
You don't need to know anything.
Rembrandt was born in 1606 in what was the Dutch Republic, but is now the Netherlands. Two minutes ago I didn't know that. With a wave of my magic wand (actually The Big Red Laptop) I found the info. No need to suffer the gap between knowing and not knowing. A comedian recently stated this means the time between knowing and not-knowing is so short as to make them essentially the same. So I posit, is that such a bad thing?
Smartphones, smartwatches, smartglasses, smartcontacts, Gibson-esque nanotech brain implants... I'd say the ability to access any piece of human knowledge on the go is here to stay. (Barring zombie apocalypse. Those guys ruin everything.) I graduated from college without Google. We actually had to know stuff.
Plato was a student of Socrates. Aristotle was a student of Plato. They laid the foundation of western thought. I've known that for twenty years, thanks to Mrs. Mishler and her class on Philosophy. But is knowing facts so important? The sky is blue. Big fucking deal. Nitrogen in the atmosphere scatters the light in the blue wavelength. Now you know. Thanks Mr. Ganske, and 8th grade science teachers everywhere.
But knowing stuff is easy. It is also nearly instantaneous and fairly accurate. Yet we are graduating students through school- based on the idea that knowing stuff will make you successful and therefore you must know x,y, and z to graduate. Then you graduate and clumsily look up all the stuff you forgot when you need it most. A movement started by Simon has destroyed our minds and educational system.
Not to worry, I have a solution. We just stop teaching things you should know. Seriously. How about we teach stuff you do?
How about logic to think more effectively?
Languages
Search techniques (I'm biased there.)
Martial arts
Programming
Cooking and sewing even
Driving
Art and Music
Balancing a checkbook
Then later if you need to know when the American Civil War happened, you can buy a smartphone with your balanced checkbook and look it up with your advanced search skills. A world full of people who know how to do things is more valuable than one where we merely know things.
Dinosaurs like me who learned tons of facts and can recall with clarity will act superior for about a decade and we will still beat you at Trivial Pursuit. Feel bad about it all the way to your piloting lesson.
Smartphones, smartwatches, smartglasses, smartcontacts, Gibson-esque nanotech brain implants... I'd say the ability to access any piece of human knowledge on the go is here to stay. (Barring zombie apocalypse. Those guys ruin everything.) I graduated from college without Google. We actually had to know stuff.
Plato was a student of Socrates. Aristotle was a student of Plato. They laid the foundation of western thought. I've known that for twenty years, thanks to Mrs. Mishler and her class on Philosophy. But is knowing facts so important? The sky is blue. Big fucking deal. Nitrogen in the atmosphere scatters the light in the blue wavelength. Now you know. Thanks Mr. Ganske, and 8th grade science teachers everywhere.
But knowing stuff is easy. It is also nearly instantaneous and fairly accurate. Yet we are graduating students through school- based on the idea that knowing stuff will make you successful and therefore you must know x,y, and z to graduate. Then you graduate and clumsily look up all the stuff you forgot when you need it most. A movement started by Simon has destroyed our minds and educational system.
Not to worry, I have a solution. We just stop teaching things you should know. Seriously. How about we teach stuff you do?
How about logic to think more effectively?
Languages
Search techniques (I'm biased there.)
Martial arts
Programming
Cooking and sewing even
Driving
Art and Music
Balancing a checkbook
Then later if you need to know when the American Civil War happened, you can buy a smartphone with your balanced checkbook and look it up with your advanced search skills. A world full of people who know how to do things is more valuable than one where we merely know things.
Dinosaurs like me who learned tons of facts and can recall with clarity will act superior for about a decade and we will still beat you at Trivial Pursuit. Feel bad about it all the way to your piloting lesson.
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